she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
