Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
