just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
