I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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