Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
