she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
