i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
