you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
