i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize