i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
