i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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