Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
