somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
