It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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