Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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