you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
