All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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