My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
