You work out of a Hotel?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
