I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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