apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Two words: blizzard sex
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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