Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
