Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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