Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
