She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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