Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
