I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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