I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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