haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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