I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
