I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize