So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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