I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
