i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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