I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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