i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
