you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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