i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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