I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
