I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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