birth control should be required to get into college
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
