I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
