how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize