Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
