i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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