Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
