So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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