Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
