hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
