Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Found the puke drawer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Someone came in the potted fern
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
