I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
