you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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