guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
