God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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