Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
