She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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