So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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