i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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