I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
