oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
