Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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