just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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