He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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