I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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