yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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