The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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