His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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