I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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