A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
