I'm jealous of your bromance
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
