my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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