i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize