A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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