just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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