Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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