I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
