Need sex. Gaining weight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
