For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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