That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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