remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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