absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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