if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
