so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
