I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
