you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
