Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
