i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
