I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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