But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
