Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
