i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
