We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
