the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
