I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
