If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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