We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
