I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
