my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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