Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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