I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
