i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
